Wednesday, July 22, 2015

Here's to Health and Happiness

I have been thinking about blogging for some time. Hope and I will talk about it every now and then. We say we're going to get back to it. I'm thankful Hope got us going again. I'm hoping this can be a positive place for me. I'm hoping that it can help heal me. I'm hoping that it can motivate me and that as we share our journeys and our lives, together we can find improvement, health, and happiness.

Like Hope said, this is so scary. I'm crying already as I type. I thought maybe I'd start blogging again after I built a little confidence, after I'd found a little success. That is definitely not the case right now. But, maybe blogging will help me find that confidence and success.

The last couple of years have been difficult for my body in so many ways. As my thyroid has attacked itself and my body I haven't felt very well. I have struggled with all of the classic symptoms of thyroid disease. Acne, extreme fatigue, anxiety, body and joint aches, weakness, dizziness, brain fog, memory problems, hair loss, brittle nails, depression, sensitivity to temperature both cold and hot, racing heart, and weight gain. I'm not going to expand on all of that now, but long story short after dozens of tests, medication and the waiting game, last November I decided it was time to have the surgery. My thyroid was removed along with nearly 30 nodules. No cancer.

I hadn't felt well for months, really years leading up to this. After losing those 25 pounds a few years ago while blogging, I had gained all of that back and so much more. My goal originally had been to lose 70 pounds. I now need to lose more than a 100 pounds. I don't want to focus on that too much though. It's stressful and overwhelming.

My perspective after having these health challenges is also so different. I really couldn't care less about what size my jeans are. I really couldn't care less if they have booty bling. I really couldn't care less about what the world thinks about my body and if I am what the world considers beautiful. I want a healthy body. I want to be capable of doing all the things my family needs. I want to go on water slides with my kids. Maybe horseback riding, hiking, and bike riding. I want to run, and not be weary; and walk, and not faint (Isaiah 40: 31).

I'm excited to share my journey with you. To share my recent struggles with you and I'm hopeful that I'll have some successes to share as well.

We are all walking a difficult road. We cannot possibly understand or know what is going on in the life of the person next to us. So, let's be more understanding, more compassionate, and help lift one another. Let's seek to look for the good and beauty in everyone we meet. For me, that part is easy. It's applying that same principle to myself that is the challenge.

I'm not exactly sure what this blog will look like moving forward for me. Will I weigh in once a week and share with you? Will I post healthy recipes or my new favorite exercise? I'm trying to sorta figure things out for myself. I'm excited for the future though. I'm hopeful and optimistic that I can do hard things. I'm determined to be the person that I want to be, to become the best version of myself. But, I'm a mess of a work in progress. First things first, I'm trying to love myself in the process. So, I'll blog when I feel inspired to. I'm excited to share my journey with all of you.

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

scary...

not sure what to say except, this is scary...

robyn and i have talked over the last year about starting to blog again. why? because it hold us accountable and we enjoy sharing our journey in hopes that it may help or motivate others.

well, this is definitely a journey. there is no "i'm done", which i have learned the hard way over the past year.

since losing right around 50 lbs, i have put... {whispering} 36 back on. 

now, just give me a moment to go cry and feel sorry for myself....
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ok, i'm back....wait, hold on....
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ok, i think i'm good now.
MOVING ON!

here's the thing: once i met this *goal* i set for myself, i felt like i could just sit back. my workouts started trailing off, i started eating whatever i wanted because, well, my jeans fit, so who cares? just once wouldn't hurt. and then, just one week without working out won't hurt. and then, it turned into my clothes getting a bit tighter...and tighter...and tighter...until...my jeans split open (true story). and then, it turned into my husband coming to me asking the age old question "why are we paying for the gym when you're not going?" UGH! 

through all this, i had moments of exercise and eating better, but i wasn't dedicated to it. i didn't feel that fire like i had before. i'm not even sure what to call it, but i know that whatever i felt when we first started this blog, i didn't feel that anymore. i was sad about how i looked, but mostly how i felt! and i wasn't sure how to get back to where i was.

well, i'm still not, but i've decided to just start over and mimic what i did last time. start with exercise that interests me and gets me excited. things that make me feel strong and good. not necessarily things that others like or fads that come in and out, but things that i enjoy and also, things that i want to try.

i also am taking a longer look at what i'm consuming and when. i'm not to the point of only eating whole foods or anything yet; maybe i'll get there, i would like to get there...but i'm doing this at my pace.

so i saw read this little article today and it is actually the catalyst for this blog post. it made me smile and i knew i had to share it, so enjoy and let me know what you think.


xo - hope

Thursday, July 24, 2014

"Finishers Wanted" ::: Robyn


We’re back!!!! To get us kick started we’re doing a diet bet!!! So fun! Join us!
 

I was thinking about blogging this morning and searching the web for my favorite poem. I have it memorized, but wanted to copy and paste it. :) In my search I found this Finishers Wanted. It’s a message that was given in 1989 by the prophet of The Church of Jesus Christ of Later Day Saints, Thomas S Monson. At the time he was second counselor in the first presidency. I know that many of you are not of my faith or maybe of any faith. I hope that you will continue reading my post anyhow. These words were exactly what I needed today as I struggle to wrap my head around where I find myself.

The message is titled “Finishers Wanted”. Just the title alone gets me. It’s what I want for myself. Although the message isn’t about weight loss at all, it’s about the “race of life”,  it is exactly the message that I need. It gives me a clear vision and path in my journey.

President Mondson says, “In life, as in business, there has always been a need for those persons who could be called finishers. Their ranks are few, their opportunities many, their contributions great.”

I want to be a finisher. I feel bad about where I find myself now. I feel as if I have failed, but the truth is that I am still in the midst of the race. I have fallen. There are many who have forged ahead of me. But, it’s really not about speed or where I finish at all. I’m still in the race. I can get up, dust myself off and continue on. I can be a finisher!

Ecclesiastes 9:11 says: ... the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong….

My children often quote the story of the turtle and the hare. My journey will not be swift. I have many obstacles that make weight loss more difficult. However, my journey can be slow and steady. I have repeatedly lost my way. But, in this day, I am recommitting myself. I can be slow and steady. Steady being the real key for me.  

President Monson shares the “true marks of a finisher”
1. The Mark of Vision
2. The Mark of Effort
3. The Mark of Faith
4. The Mark of Virtue
5. The Mark of Courage
6. The Mark of Prayer

He obviously expands on all of these and if you are interested I encourage you to read his message. But, this is my new vision for this weight loss journey. I feel more prepared to embark on this hard road ahead of me.
My favorite poem that started all of this:

Stick to your task ’til it sticks to you;   
Beginners are many, but enders are few.   
Honor, power, place and praise   
Will always come to the one who stays. Stick to your task ’til it sticks to you;
Bend at it, sweat at it, smile at it, too;
For out of the bend and the sweat and the smile
Will come life’s victories after a while.

I am especially trying to “bend at it, sweat at it, smile at it too” with all capitol letter in SMILE!!!  Because I want to live a long healthy life. Because I want to feel good about myself both mentally and physically. Because my body is a temple.
 
So, here we go again!!!
Finishers Wanted, I will finish this!


 

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

guess what???? we're backkkk...

 
robyn and i have really felt led to recommit to our health journey.
 
we feel like we're ready to start blogging again, but more importantly, to get back to making our health our priority!
 
thank you to everyone who has supported us and kept us accountable!
 
we tried to think of something fun to do, to kick off this next round.
 
so here it is: we challenge you to lose 4% of your total body weight in 4 weeks.
we have set up a diet bet.
 
for those unfamiliar with that, it is an online challenge where you weigh in (you can set it to private so none of us can see, if you'd like) and you try and lose 4% of your weight in 4 weeks.
 
you pay $25 to the pot and all those who lose the 4% will split the pot.
making money while losing weight at the same time?
 
pretty sweet!
 
of course, robyn and I will be joining you.
 
people talk about accountability, well here you go.
 
this will definitely keep you accountable.
 
we're excited to get back to it and share with you where we have been and where we hope to go!
 
to sign up for the diet bet, go here http://diet.bt/9Z6uSe 
 

so by the end of the 4 weeks, we will all be in the habit to lose weight and become more fit!
let's DO it!!!

Saturday, January 25, 2014

{imposter}

sometimes i feel like an imposter.
like i'm pretending to be a skinny girl.
i'm pretending to be a runner. an avid exerciser. a health nut. someone who can give advice on health & fitness.
in reality, i am struggling.
i can feel myself slipping back into that negative self talk.
i feel inferior. not good enough. like an imposter.
i did really good last year.
i am so proud of what i accomplished and how good i felt.
then the holidays hit and i took time off. why? i have no idea. i just got lazy.
i was comfortable and thought i could just slack off.
not only has it effected the way my jeans fit, it has effected my mind set.
i'm grouchy, tired, and just annoyed with myself.
i have been trying to get back in the working out groove. i have tried getting back to my smaller portions of food, not eating after eight pm, etc.
i'm still trying.
but i feel like it's one step forward and two steps back. i will go work out or go out for a run and then eat horrible for the next two days.
or i will eat really healthy and be very mindful of my intake and then sit on the oh-so-comfy couch instead of exercising.
i need my will power back. my commitment back.
commit was the word for january and i feel like i have spent this whole month trying to recommit.
so today, right now, this is my pity party of one.
i'm emotional, frustrated and slightly annoyed.
tomorrow is a new day with new opportunities.
 
something else that has been on my mind is the fact that what I'm feeling right now is really sort of pointless in the grand scheme of life.
don't get me wrong, getting healthy is extremely important, but when i read back through what i just typed, i can't help but to acknowledge that i have a wonderfully supportive husband, four amazingly sweet children, we are all {relatively} healthy.
no huge life crisis'.
lots of other people are losing their children to horrible diseases, watching their spouse struggle through treatments, waking up to one less family member because of a tragic accident.
who am i to complain that i don't feel like getting on the treadmill?
when i put that all into perspective, i kind of want to slap myself.
i'm done feeling like an imposter.
i am who i am.
i may not be able to run the distance i want, at the time i want to do it in, but guess what? i hated running a year ago. i couldn't run for five minutes. and now i'm doing it...albeit slow as a snail...but i'm doing it. i may not be a runner, but i am running. i may not be the size i'd like to be, but i am in shape. i may not exercise every single day, but i know that i can keep up in a boot camp class. i may not eat the healthiest things all the time, but i try and have balance and moderation.
i am not perfect.
people don't expect me to be perfect.
i should not expect myself to be perfect.
 
being perfect is no fun!
 
{man, this blog is so therapeutic at times.
thanks for baring with me through all that.}


Thursday, January 16, 2014

whoa...what am i DOING?!?!?

Life has been wonderful.
I feel like I'm getting back on track. I
'm not as die hard as I was, but getting back to routine and commitment has been great.
As you will remember, last summer, I ran my first 5K.
It was an awesome experience and it was really one of those things I just wanted to check off my bucket list.
I have tried to like running--I really have. But I just haven't gotten "addicted" yet, like so many people tell me I will.
But when I run, it does make me feel super powerful. Like I'm doing something that I couldn't do before. It's an incredible feeling. Oh, and I'm not talking like 12 miles, here, I'm talking like 1.2 miles. But, hey, I couldn't even run for 5 minutes when I started.
Reading back through my relationship with running, what I'm about to tell you may sound ABSURD! And it is. It's totally absurd!
I signed up to run a 10K. For those that don't know, that's 6.2 miles!
C-R-A-Z-Y!!!
The race is April 5th so I have some time to work up to do this and I've already started. I'm up to 1.6 miles.
Running is a TOTAL head game for me. But I have noticed that when I push myself, my body & mind will give me little reprieves. I feel strong and powerful. I just wish I was addicted to it, because right now it's way to easy to not do it.
That's where our January word comes in to play:
COMMIT!
 
On another note: I ordered this shirt the other day and when Robyn saw mine, she ordered one too.
How cute are we?
We really do have some of the most supportive husbands.
For me, Carl is the one who says
"go get your workout clothes on...I got the kids". I {love} him!!!
It's so important to surround yourself with positive people that will encourage you and support you.
  
make your week amazing!
and remember...
 
 
 

Saturday, January 11, 2014

The Saturday Skinny ::: Robyn

As the holidays sped by and New Year's came I didn't feel incredibly ready to start dieting. Hope and I chit chatted on the phone before we blogged, just reconnecting and recommitting to each other. Our conversation was very different than it was last year before we started. We have lived a year of trying to lose weight and we are a little more clear on the reality of the difficulties that come with it. I definitely was not feeling as gung ho about the entire process. I talked to my hubby after and explained to him how I was going to make small changes that I felt I could really be successful in. I need to build some confidence in myself. 

So, the last couple of weeks I have cut out soda. I had it one day this last week. That's sorta my plan for now. Maybe once a week. I drank sooooo much water. I exercised every day except Sunday (Sabbath day=day of rest). I didn't eat after 7:30. I'm not necessarily dieting, but I am tracking my food. I have found that for me knowledge is power. I don't necessarily have a calorie number that I am limiting myself too, but knowing what I eat and how many calories it is helps me make better choices. Even if I make a bad choice, I track it. I am accountable. I feel really good about what I have done. It seems to be working for me. 

I'm not quite ready to talk about weight matters yet, but the number is going down, I'll talk number soon. :) 

I registered for a fun color vibe run for next month. I've been walking/running with friends. I'm excited. I'm slow, but I can run. I like labeling myself as a "runner".

I have been reminding myself about my commitments. I of course have moments of weakness and I think about the commitments that I've made to myself and what they mean to me. 


I am so thankful to be focused on commitment this month. It moves me. I think and act differently when I think about my commitments. I want to achieve awesomeness. I want to make my dreams come true. I believe in myself. I know that I can accomplish the things I commit to. I'm excited to bend at it, sweat at it, and smile at it too, because my body is a temple. 

Commit with us!