I have been thinking about blogging for some time. Hope and I will talk about it every now and then. We say we're going to get back to it. I'm thankful Hope got us going again. I'm hoping this can be a positive place for me. I'm hoping that it can help heal me. I'm hoping that it can motivate me and that as we share our journeys and our lives, together we can find improvement, health, and happiness.
Like Hope said, this is so scary. I'm crying already as I type. I thought maybe I'd start blogging again after I built a little confidence, after I'd found a little success. That is definitely not the case right now. But, maybe blogging will help me find that confidence and success.
The last couple of years have been difficult for my body in so many ways. As my thyroid has attacked itself and my body I haven't felt very well. I have struggled with all of the classic symptoms of thyroid disease. Acne, extreme fatigue, anxiety, body and joint aches, weakness, dizziness, brain fog, memory problems, hair loss, brittle nails, depression, sensitivity to temperature both cold and hot, racing heart, and weight gain. I'm not going to expand on all of that now, but long story short after dozens of tests, medication and the waiting game, last November I decided it was time to have the surgery. My thyroid was removed along with nearly 30 nodules. No cancer.
I hadn't felt well for months, really years leading up to this. After losing those 25 pounds a few years ago while blogging, I had gained all of that back and so much more. My goal originally had been to lose 70 pounds. I now need to lose more than a 100 pounds. I don't want to focus on that too much though. It's stressful and overwhelming.
My perspective after having these health challenges is also so different. I really couldn't care less about what size my jeans are. I really couldn't care less if they have booty bling. I really couldn't care less about what the world thinks about my body and if I am what the world considers beautiful. I want a healthy body. I want to be capable of doing all the things my family needs. I want to go on water slides with my kids. Maybe horseback riding, hiking, and bike riding. I want to run, and not be weary; and walk, and not faint (Isaiah 40: 31).
I'm excited to share my journey with you. To share my recent struggles with you and I'm hopeful that I'll have some successes to share as well.
We are all walking a difficult road. We cannot possibly understand or know what is going on in the life of the person next to us. So, let's be more understanding, more compassionate, and help lift one another. Let's seek to look for the good and beauty in everyone we meet. For me, that part is easy. It's applying that same principle to myself that is the challenge.
I'm not exactly sure what this blog will look like moving forward for me. Will I weigh in once a week and share with you? Will I post healthy recipes or my new favorite exercise? I'm trying to sorta figure things out for myself. I'm excited for the future though. I'm hopeful and optimistic that I can do hard things. I'm determined to be the person that I want to be, to become the best version of myself. But, I'm a mess of a work in progress. First things first, I'm trying to love myself in the process. So, I'll blog when I feel inspired to. I'm excited to share my journey with all of you.