A couple of weeks ago Hope sent me a text telling me she had blogged. She then followed it by saying that her blogs aren’t nearly as deep and meaningful as mine. I laughed out loud. No literally. Then I responded, “Yeah, just way more inspirational because you actually lose weight!” So, here we go again. Deep and meaningful? That’s questionable. The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? That’s all I have to give.
I haven’t blogged in 3 weeks I think. My last blog I set some goals for myself. I’ve done pretty well with those. I have been counting my WW points and really paying attention to what I”m eating. I’ve also been really consistent going to the gym. I have been running a lot. I can now officially run a 5k on the treadmill. I’m slow. This week I went a little faster and ran a 12 min mile or 5 mph on the treadmill. I feel stronger. I feel more fit. I even got some real gym clothes. I’ve always been embarrassed in my sweat pants and t-shirts, but I didn’t feel ready for spandex. :) I got some good running capris and pants (yes with spandex) and wear long tank tops or shirts that keep my problem areas covered. I feel more like I belong there though and it seems to help me have a more positive experience. I’m still self conscious at the gym. I know it’s silly.
So, all of that being said, with pretty good eating and pretty good exercise, I am up 5 lbs for the last 3 weeks. :( I don’t really know what to say? I have been sad about it obviously. But, trying really hard not to let it get me down and trying really hard not to give up. I am a person of faith. So, I’ve been praying about it. Questioning, what should I do differently?
I was talking to a friend at church about it last week, and she suggested to me that maybe right now, I really need to focus on loving myself how I am, no matter what weight I am. That really hit home for me. So, this week, I’ve been trying really hard to change my attitude. To appreciate the things I like about myself, and to really focus on being thankful for my body in the now.
This is going to sound silly, but I’ve made more of an effort to make myself cute. I have been doing my hair (even though it’s 110), wearing make-up, and trying to dress cute. I feel so much better about myself if I feel cute. I know that seems so shallow. But, I’m a girl. I can’t tell you how many people this week told me how good I looked and how I look so thin. HA! I fooled them. :) But, really, I do feel better about myself. Maybe part of the reason I gained the weight back was because I didn’t learn to really love myself for who I am no matter what weight I am. Even at my lowest, I was unhappy with my body. So, I am still trying to lose weight of course. I’m not giving up. But, I’m also really focusing on how I feel about myself and trying to love myself how I am. A little make-up and a cute outfit and I can still feel good about myself. :)
I feel like my Father in Heaven is always so mindful of me and my needs. I’m so thankful for all of you who have reached out to me in the last week or so. I know that you are his hands and as you serve and love me you serve and love him. I am so touched. I have received countless texts and messages encouraging me and just telling me you love me. I’m so thankful to share my life with so many amazing people. I hope I give back even just a little of what I receive.
Bend, at it, sweat at it, smile at it too, because your body is a temple. :) I'm not giving up.
