{imposter}

sometimes i feel like an imposter.

like i'm pretending to be a skinny girl.

i'm pretending to be a runner. an avid exerciser. a health nut. someone who can give advice on health & fitness.

in reality, i am struggling.

i can feel myself slipping back into that negative self talk.

i feel inferior. not good enough. like an imposter.

i did really good last year.

i am so proud of what i accomplished and how good i felt.

then the holidays hit and i took time off. why? i have no idea. i just got lazy.

i was comfortable and thought i could just slack off.

not only has it effected the way my jeans fit, it has effected my mind set.

i'm grouchy, tired, and just annoyed with myself.

i have been trying to get back in the working out groove. i have tried getting back to my smaller portions of food, not eating after eight pm, etc.

i'm still trying.

but i feel like it's one step forward and two steps back. i will go work out or go out for a run and then eat horrible for the next two days.

or i will eat really healthy and be very mindful of my intake and then sit on the oh-so-comfy couch instead of exercising.

i need my will power back. my commitment back.

commit was the word for january and i feel like i have spent this whole month trying to recommit.

so today, right now, this is my pity party of one.

i'm emotional, frustrated and slightly annoyed.

tomorrow is a new day with new opportunities.

 

something else that has been on my mind is the fact that what I'm feeling right now is really sort of pointless in the grand scheme of life.

don't get me wrong, getting healthy is extremely important, but when i read back through what i just typed, i can't help but to acknowledge that i have a wonderfully supportive husband, four amazingly sweet children, we are all {relatively} healthy.

no huge life crisis'.

lots of other people are losing their children to horrible diseases, watching their spouse struggle through treatments, waking up to one less family member because of a tragic accident.

who am i to complain that i don't feel like getting on the treadmill?

when i put that all into perspective, i kind of want to slap myself.

i'm done feeling like an imposter.

i am who i am.

i may not be able to run the distance i want, at the time i want to do it in, but guess what? i hated running a year ago. i couldn't run for five minutes. and now i'm doing it...albeit slow as a snail...but i'm doing it. i may not be a runner, but i am running. i may not be the size i'd like to be, but i am in shape. i may not exercise every single day, but i know that i can keep up in a boot camp class. i may not eat the healthiest things all the time, but i try and have balance and moderation.

i am not perfect.

people don't expect me to be perfect.

i should not expect myself to be perfect.

 

being perfect is no fun!

 

{man, this blog is so therapeutic at times.

thanks for baring with me through all that.}

whoa...what am i DOING?!?!?

Life has been wonderful.

I feel like I'm getting back on track. I

'm not as die hard as I was, but getting back to routine and commitment has been great.

As you will remember, last summer, I ran my first 5K.

It was an awesome experience and it was really one of those things I just wanted to check off my bucket list.

I have tried to like running--I really have. But I just haven't gotten "addicted" yet, like so many people tell me I will.

But when I run, it does make me feel super powerful. Like I'm doing something that I couldn't do before. It's an incredible feeling. Oh, and I'm not talking like 12 miles, here, I'm talking like 1.2 miles. But, hey, I couldn't even run for 5 minutes when I started.

Reading back through my relationship with running, what I'm about to tell you may sound ABSURD! And it is. It's totally absurd!

I signed up to run a 10K. For those that don't know, that's 6.2 miles!

C-R-A-Z-Y!!!

The race is April 5th so I have some time to work up to do this and I've already started. I'm up to 1.6 miles.

Running is a TOTAL head game for me. But I have noticed that when I push myself, my body & mind will give me little reprieves. I feel strong and powerful. I just wish I was addicted to it, because right now it's way to easy to not do it.

That's where our January word comes in to play:

COMMIT!

 

On another note: I ordered this shirt the other day and when Robyn saw mine, she ordered one too.

How cute are we?

We really do have some of the most supportive husbands.

For me, Carl is the one who says

"go get your workout clothes on...I got the kids". I {love} him!!!

It's so important to surround yourself with positive people that will encourage you and support you.

  

make your week amazing!

and remember...

 

 

 

The Saturday Skinny ::: Robyn

As the holidays sped by and New Year's came I didn't feel incredibly ready to start dieting. Hope and I chit chatted on the phone before we blogged, just reconnecting and recommitting to each other. Our conversation was very different than it was last year before we started. We have lived a year of trying to lose weight and we are a little more clear on the reality of the difficulties that come with it. I definitely was not feeling as gung ho about the entire process. I talked to my hubby after and explained to him how I was going to make small changes that I felt I could really be successful in. I need to build some confidence in myself. 

So, the last couple of weeks I have cut out soda. I had it one day this last week. That's sorta my plan for now. Maybe once a week. I drank sooooo much water. I exercised every day except Sunday (Sabbath day=day of rest). I didn't eat after 7:30. I'm not necessarily dieting, but I am tracking my food. I have found that for me knowledge is power. I don't necessarily have a calorie number that I am limiting myself too, but knowing what I eat and how many calories it is helps me make better choices. Even if I make a bad choice, I track it. I am accountable. I feel really good about what I have done. It seems to be working for me. 

I'm not quite ready to talk about weight matters yet, but the number is going down, I'll talk number soon. :) 

I registered for a fun color vibe run for next month. I've been walking/running with friends. I'm excited. I'm slow, but I can run. I like labeling myself as a "runner".

I have been reminding myself about my commitments. I of course have moments of weakness and I think about the commitments that I've made to myself and what they mean to me. 

I am so thankful to be focused on commitment this month. It moves me. I think and act differently when I think about my commitments. I want to achieve awesomeness. I want to make my dreams come true. I believe in myself. I know that I can accomplish the things I commit to. I'm excited to bend at it, sweat at it, and smile at it too, because my body is a temple. 

Commit with us! 

weigh in wednesday...well, wednesday anyway...

hey there!!! long time no...type?

 

 as you have figured out, robyn and i took a little hiatus from our little blog here. for one reason or another, we haven't been able to sit down and blog. and when you get out of the habit of doing something, it becomes easier and easier to not do it.

 

it seems like the blog reflects where i am in my "get healthy" journey.

 

much like getting out of the habit of blogging, i have gotten out of the habit of going to the gym, eating past 8pm, always eating breakfast, weighing myself, and though i haven't gone back to drinking soda, i have taken up drinking {lots of} coffee...with creamer...oh the goodness.

 

so there, i admitted it. i feel like i'm reaching out for accountability again. i need it. robyn and i have been texting each other on and off over the past few months to encourage each other. although we haven't been sharing with you all about our struggles and successes, we've been sharing with each other.

 

but we're back and we're ready to get this party started again.

 

robyn blogged on saturday and then again on monday. she didn't advertise her monday post, so i'm going to repost the pic she shared because i love it.

 

 

just like robyn, i too, am focusing on commit!

 

if you are like me and have fallen off the healthy lifestyle wagon, let's climb back on. let's make a commitment to doing this for ourselves, for our families, for our well being.

i like that each month has a goal, but i also have a year long goal, too. 

balance!

 

this past year has taught me that when my body is healthy, my mind is healthy too, and my life seems more in balance.

 

so let's commit.

 

let's do this.

 

 

 

Motivation Monday ::: Robyn

I know, I know, another post so soon?!?! New Year's does funny things to me. :) We'll see how long it lasts.

Lots of blogs that I read do a word for the year. They choose a word and focus on it for that year. Well, that seemed sorta hard to me. I couldn't pick just one word. Then I found this......

I like it! So, this month I am going to focus on "commit". This is perfect, because I'm really getting back at this whole weight loss thing. So, when I am struggling I will remind myself to commit. When I'm grocery shopping, scheduling my day and week, playing with my kids, I will think of my commitment.

My major goals for this month are not eating after 7pm, drinking lots of water (cutting soda), better food choices, and exercise 5 days a week.

Commit!!!! I will bend at it, sweat at it, and smile and it too, because my body is a temple!

The Saturday Skinny - Robyn

As I sit down to write this little blog I’m excited. I’m feel like I’ve found a long lost friend. This little blog changed my life last year. It helped me to be a better person. Each of you who read this and follow our journey helped me to change myself for the better. So, my truth, because I can’t help but be real, isn’t necessarily pretty. But, it’s mine, I am owning it. J

I didn’t lose 70 pounds. I’m not even sure how much I lost. I decided to give myself a couple of weeks of really hard work and good choices before I weigh myself again. I had a fantastic holiday that consisted of delicious food, family time, and enjoying life. I’m back on the wagon now.

I did learn a lot about myself this last year. I learned to love myself for who I am in the now. I learned to appreciate my body just how it is. I learned that I am beautiful just how I am. I am strong, capable, and happy just how I am. That is more than 70 pounds could have ever done for me. I am going to lose weight because I love myself, not because I am unhappy with myself.

I feel like I am starting this year in a much healthier place. So, do you believe in second chances? How about 3^rd, 4^th, and 5^th? Do you cheer for the under-dog? I hope so. I love the support that all of our readers provide us with. I love that I have Hope to share this journey with. I’m excited to make really good choices and become a healthier me this year.

I became a runner this last year. I’m really excited about it. I am slow!! But, I can pretty easily run 5 or more miles without stopping!! How did that happen? It’s shocking to me. I grew up a swimmer, never liking to run. As the weather cooled off here, starting in early September I started walking outside. I was tired of the gym. Eventually, walking turned in to running. I was like Forrest Gump. I just kept going. It has changed me. It has changed the way I think about myself. It’s hard to feel bad about your body when it can do that!! It helped me gain confidence and appreciation for my body. I feel better about myself now than I ever have. It’s weird!

I am still frustrated with my weight. I expect that it will be a slow road for me. My thyroid continues to add to my struggle and I have an uphill road ahead of me. But, I think that will mean at the end I’ll have a super toned booty right?!?!

I’m starting up again with the Saturday Skinny. I’m not sure if I’ll weigh myself next week or maybe the one after. But, I am going to make good choices and exercise like crazy. I’m going to do it, because I love myself. Because I want to be the best I can be. I want to live on the corner of healthy and happy. (he he, thanks Wal Greens, you’re advertisers are genius J)

I'm still excited to have an incredible shopping spree with Hope when we reach our goals. I'm sticking with a goal of 70 pounds total but I reserve the right to change my mind along the way. :)    

I'm bending at it, sweating at it, and smiling at it too, because my body is a temple. :)

(I changed my family picture on the side to our recent picts and updated my profile info.)

I trully love all of you our followers. :)